365 Days With The Doctor
by RachelPhobia
Summary: A series of short fictions with assorted themes, consisting only of dialogue, depicting the events of 365 days worth of adventures and mayhem, as Rose and the Ninth Doctor travel throughout space and time together.
1. Day 1

"Doctor, what are you doing?"

"I'm recalibrating the micro-circuits in the engine manifold to loop back across a multi-patterned neural feed by flipping the electrical tubes into reverse and dislocating the pulse - neutronic relay."

"Um...in English please?"

"I'm turning it off and then on again."

"Ah."


	2. Day 2

"Rose, we're out of milk!"

"But we picked some up yesterday!"

"Well, yesterday is relative isn't it? Yesterday could mean tomorrow for us, or three weeks ago. Even by linear standards yesterday is a bit tricky – every new day becomes a yesterday! So, really, yesterday could mean anytime in the universe, because the term 'yesterday' is relative to the day after it, you see."

"..."

"..."

"You used it all in another science experiment, didn't you?"

"Yeah."


	3. Day 3

"Where are we?"

"A planet in the Korelius system called Cernatious 4. They have three suns and a moon the shape of a polar bear."

"A polar bear?"

"Well, it's _vaguely _in the shape of a polar bear. It's really more like a malformed lump, but I let them have their fun."

"Riiiiight, and _what_ are we doing here?"

"Well, they have a religious festival on, with lots of dancing and singing and late night drinking and and they sell great burgers, and I just really feel like a Cernatious 4 festival burger right now."

"You brought us here because you want a burger?"

"...Yeah."

"Doctor, we were in the middle of the Zertatia space race!"

"Rose, we have a time machine. We can win that race last week if we wanted to."

"Doctor!"

"Fine. We'll finish the race first."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, quit giving me the puppy eyes!"

"..."

"Stop it!"

"..."

"Doctor!"

"..."

"Fine! I give up! We'll go and get your darn burger."

"Oh, Rose, I knew you'd come around!" 

"Shut up."


	4. Day 4

"Doctor."

"Yes, Rose?"

"You promised me a planet covered in theme parks and water slides and all around fun."

"Yes, yes I did."

"Then why am I looking at a planet covered in ice, cold and a distinct air of _not fun_?"

"Ah, yes, well."

"Well?"

"Well."

"You don't know how we got here, do you."

"Nope, not a clue."

"You are a horrible driver, you know that?"

"I resent that."

"I resent this planet."

"..."

"..."

"Touche."


	5. Day 5

"Where do you want to go next, Rose?"

"Well, I was thinking...maybe we could go visit my mother?"

"No. Nope. Nada. Nah. Nooooo. Nope. Nope. NOPE."

"But, Doctor - "

"Nooooooooooooooooo."

"Doct - "

"Nooooooooooooooooo."

"..."

"..."

"So, that's a no, then."

"Yeah."

"Hmmm."


	6. Day 6

"How, again, do you know this?"

"I'm very, very old, Rose, and I'm sure I've forgotten where I came across the information."

"Mmmhhhmmm. Right."

"And even if I did know where I learned of it, I'm sure it's completely innocent and in no way gross or improper."

"Oh, yeah, right."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So, how did you _really_ find out, Doctor?"

"We had both had a little too much Virillian Ale and woke up the next morning married, naked and covered in fluorescent green mucus."

"Oh, Jesus - "

"And there were little mechanical monkey/walrus hybrids doing the tango in the background - "

"Okay, okay - "

"Not to mention the fact that we were in the public library - "

"What the - "

"And then that's when she showed me her - "

"_**OH MY GOD, STOP!**_"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I totally had you."

"What?"

"You should have seen your face!"

"Doctor?"

"Ha_**HA**_!"

"Doctor?!"

"Oh, Rose - "

"I'm going to _kill _you!"

"Totally worth it."


	7. Day 7

"STUPID ELEXIAN MIDWORLDERS! THEY ARE THICK AND THEY ARE INFERIOR!"

"Doctor?! What are you yelling for?"

"I AM OBVIOUSLY THE SUPERIOR BEING. CAN _THEY_ REMOVE A TRANS-DIMENSIONAL ENERGY CONVERTER FROM IT'S OUTER CASING WHILE RECALIBRATING THE MICRO FEEDBACK CIRCUITS AND STILL MAINTAIN A TIMESHIFT JUMP THROUGH A NITROGEN BASED ATMOSPHERIC SHELL?! "

"What? Doctor, I don't - "

"NO, THAT'S RIGHT, THEY CAN'T!"

"Doctor!"

"AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE HERISUANS! THEY HAVE NOTHING ON ME! THEIR TRANSWARP, TITANIUM INJECTED ENGINES HAVE NOTHING ON MY MAGNIFICENT TIME SHIP!"

"Doctor! You need to calm down!"

"OH AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PEOPLE OF MEDATIONA! THEY HAVEN'T EVEN DISCOVERED MATHEMATICS YET!"

"DOCTOR!"

"INFERIOR! ALL OF THEM INFERIOR!"

"Doctor, what's that on your face - "

"I AM THE SUPERIOR SPECIES. I AM MORE INTELLIGENT, BETTER LOOKING, AND SO MUCH MORE ADVANCED, OBVIOUSLY."

"Are you bleeding? Is that blood on your face?"

"I CAN RUN THREE DIFFERENT MULTIDIMENSIONAL COMPUTER CODES THROUGH BY VASTLY SUPERIOR BRAIN FACULTIES AND GET THEM COMPLETELY ACCURATE."

"Is it a cut? Did you cut yourself?"

"I AM A SUPERIOR SPECIES, AND I CAN DO EVERYTHING BETTER!"

"Did you cut yourself shaving?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"No."

"I think you did."

"Well, I didn't, so."

"_Did you just poke your tongue out at me?!_"

"No."

"Get over here!"

"Oh, bullocks."

"You'd _better_ run!"


	8. Day 8

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"There...uh...would appear to be a _goat_ in the TARDIS."

"A goat?"

"Yeah. Well, I mean, sort of a goat."

"_Sort of _a goat?"

"It's kind of...purple."

"..."

"Yeah."

"Right."

"Um, what do I do about it?"

"I dunno, I expect you could just leave it where it is."

"It's on the kitchen counter."

"Ah."

"But why is there a _goat_ in the TARDIS?"

"Weird animals walk in here all the time, it's not really that uncommon. You walked in here."

"OI!"

"What?!"

"Just get rid of the goat, I want to eat breakfast."

"Fine."


	9. Day 9

"When you said 'circus', I have to admit that this is not quite what I had in mind."

"What did you have in mind, then, Rose?"

"You know, trapeziums, tightropes, elephants, clowns with red noses and big feet. Hoops of fire, maybe some lions."

"And what's wrong with this place?"

"I'm gonna go with the unrestrained three headed fire breathing dragon as the main point, and then I'm gonna back it up with the naked dancing blue people who seem to have no concept of the fact that an unrestrained three headed fire breathing dragon could crush them with its huge feet at any moment."

"..."

"..."

"Yeah. That is a good point."

"We could literally be killed at any moment."

"But the naked dancing blue people are nice though, aren't they?"

"Doctor!"

"Alright, fine. I'll take you to an Earth circus."

"Thank you – WHAT THE? WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Ah, yes, the unrestrained three headed fire breathing dragon seems to have breathed the entire ceiling off of the building and crushed the snack bar with its very large feet."

"_I TOLD YOU!_"

"Yeah, yeah."


	10. Day 10

"Doctor."

"Yes, Rose?"

"I'm not sure that I want to ask..."

"What is it?"

"Okay, here goes...why is there a swimming pool in the library?"

"Oh! You found the pool! Been looking for that for ages! Thought I'd lost it!"

"You...lost it? How do you...never mind...whys it in the library?"

"Contrary to popular belief, I actually don't know."

"You don't _know_? Fat lot of good you are!"

"Oi! I try my best."

"Well, I just dropped a book in there, and the pool cleaner sucked it up and then spat it back out at my head. Is that normal?"

"..."

"Why are you laughing at me?!"

"..."

"Stop it! It's not funny! I have a big bruise forming on my cheek and my hair is wet!"

"..."

"Stop laughing! It's not funny! It really hurt! Your pool cleaner is completely savage!"

"Oh, Rose!"

"If you don't stop laughing right this second, I _will _throw the sonic into the pool."

"Now that's just mean!"

"Don't test me."

"..."

"How _do_ you lose a pool, anyway?"


	11. Day 11

"Hey, Rose."

"Yes, Doctor."

"Is there any chance that you could reach inside my jacket pocket and grab the sonic?"

"..."

"..."

"We are in a hostage situation."

"Yes."

"The aliens who have us, want to kill us."

"Yes."

"They have locked us in a cage."

"Yes."

"The bars of the cage are electrified."

"Yes."

"You are tied up with rope."

"Yes."

"I am _also _tied up with rope."

"Yes."

"..."

"..."

"Do you see the problem here?"

"..."

"..."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"I feel sort of silly now."

"I bet."


	12. Day 12

"I'm having eggs for breakfast. Do you want me to make you some eggs?"

"Naderish eggs, Tontash eggs, Kop eggs, Milliapolian eggs or Chicken eggs?"

"...Chicken eggs."

"Sure, thanks, Rose."


	13. Day 13

"What do you want to go and see next, Rose?"

"I was wondering if maybe we could go forward to the release of the final Harry Potter book? I've read them all, but the last one isn't out in my time."

"You sure? It's a real tear-jerker."

"Yeah. I'm kind of expecting that."

"Okay. Off we pop, to a world of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"You're such a loser."

"Shut up."


	14. Day 14

"So, tell me again why we've come out to a remote station in full space suits, with helmets and gloves and silly little pointy things on the ears, with absolutely no way to get the helmet open or off without dying in space, to get _milkshakes_."

"I'll admit, it wasn't the best thought out plan."

"Doctor, we've been floating free in space for three hours. And I have an _itch! _This is the _worst_ plan. Not just badly thought out. The _worst!_"

"Sorry."

"...yeah. I know."

"..."

"..."

"Would you like me to help you with the itch?"

"Yeah, that'd be great, actually."


	15. Day 15

"Have you ever grown a mustache?"

"What? No."

"I bet you'd look really creepy with a mustache."

"Rose, seriously what."

"I think you should grow a mustache, just to try it."

"Rose, it's 3am. Go to sleep."

"I want to see you with a mustache."

"Rose."

"Mustaches are so awesome."

"Rose - "

"Will you grow a mustache for me?"

"If I promise to grow a mustache, will you go to sleep."

"Yes."

"Okay."


	16. Day 16

"You know you have exactly twenty nine different types of bread in your pantry, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."


	17. Day 17

"Umm, Doctor?"

"Yes, Rose?"

"Why do you have an entire room filled to the top with teddy bears?"

"I have an entire room filled to the top with teddy bears?"

"Yes, apparently."

"Huh."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, hey, I do too. That's pretty fantastic, if I do say so myself."

"You're such a dork."


	18. Day 18

"Have you finished reading Deathly Hallows yet?"

"Yeah."

"What'd ya think of it?"

"..."

"What, no...Rose...don't...don't cry...please, don't."

"..."

"I have no idea...how do I?"

"..."

"Ummmm, there there? Do I have to pat your back? Is that what you do?"

"..."

"Oh, no, you're sort of slobbering on my jacket...umm. Could you not?"

"..."

"If that's not too much to ask?"

"..."

"Oh dear, oh, she's not stopping."

"..."

"Ummmmmmm...uuuhhh...errrr...there there."

"..."

"There there."


	19. Day 19

"Where does the water from the shower go once it's been used? Do you piff it out into space or something?"

"Well, actually - "

"Wait, stop."

"What?"

"Are you about to give me the technical mumbo-jumbo version of the explanation?"

"...yes?"

"Then never mind."

"..."

"Don't glare at me like that."


	20. Day 20

"So, I found a room in the TARDIS, and the floor is all covered in grass."

"Oh, that's odd. Never had a room like that before!"

"This place really is almost crazier than the places it takes us."

"I take offense to that."

"Of course you do."


	21. Day 21

"Umm...wotcha doin'?"

"Effecting a few repairs on the engine manifold."

"Oh. Cool."

"Yeah, it is a bit."

"..."

"..."

"You know there's a semi – naked alien man dancing around the console wearing umbrellas strapped to his shoulders, and looking like he's had too many herbal soothers, yeah?"

"..."

"..."

"...yeah."

"Okay."


	22. Day 22

"Have you ever brought someone along on your space travels with you who wasn't human?"

"Yeah, of course. Most of them looked human, though. There was this once, I had a dragonfly for a companion."

"What?"

"Yeah, she was nice. Datenila was her name."

"Doctor? A dragonfly?"

"Oh, well, she wasn't really a _dragonfly_, as you know them. She was from the planet Aleriso, where the dominant species looked like large dragonflies."

"Oh."


	23. Day 23

"Doctor! Where are all my shoes!"

"What on earth do you mean?"

"Don't give me that innocent look, Doctor! I know you did something!"

"I didn't do anything!"

"My shoes literally disappeared off of my feet!"

"Did they really?"

"Yes!"

"That's pretty fantastic."

"No it's _not! _I want my shoes back, _NOW!_"

"Okay, okay, I'll go get them."

"...thank you."

"That's if I can find them. They could literally be anywhere in time and space right now."

"DOCTOR!"


	24. Day 24

"That was a really nice picnic, Doctor. That Verjan bunch were really interesting."

"Yeah? I thought you'd like it."

"There was only one downside."

"What? What downside?"

"We didn't have a picnic rug."

"Ah."

"Or picnic food."

"Ah."

"Or food at all."

"Ah. Yes. I can see how that might be a downside."

"We weren't even in a park at all!"

"Hmm. Yes. Interesting."

"You're flippin' useless, you are!"

"Hey! I'm trying really hard not to be offended here. I did _try_ to do something nice."

"...yeah. Yeah, you did. I'm sorry, Doctor. I did enjoy myself. Really."

"Thank you, Rose."


	25. Day 25

"There's a television duct taped to this roof."

"Yes."

"Okay."


	26. Day 26

"Nice try, Doctor, but we're not going to a nude beach."

"Damn."


	27. Day 27

"It's not _so_ bad here."

"We're surrounded by poisonous, deadly cactus plants that can _move_, and their only goal is to kill people with their evil spiky bits."

"Yes, well, a minor detail, really."


	28. Day 28

"I am nine _hundred_ years old, Rose."

"So?"

"It means I'm older than you and therefor the boss of you, and you have to do what I say."

"..."

"..."

"You're a nine hundred year old child, that's what you are."


	29. Day 29

"While I was out picking up the milk, I walked past this restaurant, and I thought you'd be interested, so I picked us up some burgers for dinner."

"You...you did?"

"...Yeah?"

"You're officially my favorite."


	30. Day 30

"What is _that?!_"

"...Exactly what it looks like, Rose."

"But...but...but, why?!"

"Uh...you...asked me?"

"...What?! When?!"

"Approximately two relative weeks ago."

"But I didn't...I mean...oh, wait. You mean...you mean when we visited the Kasanavo moon and had too many hypervodkas?"

"Yeah, that's the night."

"You mean I asked you to do _that_ when I was drunk?"

"Yes."

"And you _listened?!_"

"...Yeah...?"

"_What for!?_"

"Could you please stop making such a big deal out of it, Rose? It's really not that big of a deal!"

"It really is, but."

"No – _stop laughing!_"

"..."

"Rose!"

"It's just...so...so...creepy!"

"It's _just_ a mustache!"

"It's creepy!"

"That's it, I'm shaving it off!"

"Aw, don't be like that!"

"No, I'm shaving it off!"

"..."

"Just _stop_ laughing!"

"..."

"I can still hear you laughing!"


	31. Day 31

"Are you sure you've done this before?"

"Done what?"

"Camping."

"Rose, I'm incredibly old with a time traveling space ship. Of course I've been camping before."

"Oh, right. Yeah, okay."

"..."

"..."

"What is it? What did I do wrong this time?"

"You didn't pack any tents."

"..."

"And you didn't pack any sleeping mats."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, Rose, I'm really sorry. I'm so rubbish at this, I just thought - "

"Doctor, it's okay."

"It is?"

"Yeah. Because _I_ brought the tents and sleeping mats."

"But...I...?"

"I knew you'd forget them, and I didn't want you to be miserable on this trip, because I know you've never been camping before."

"I _have_ so been camping before!"

"No, you haven't, you goose."

"...Alright, no, I haven't."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Thank you, Rose."


	32. Day 32

"Hey, Rose?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Do you want to go and visit your mother?"

"Really?!"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"You are such a child."

"I do try my best."


	33. Day 33

"Why is the water on this planet purple?"

"It has to do with...reflections...and ice cream..."

"..."

"..."

"You don't know, do you."

"Nope."

"Yeah, I didn't think so."

"I could be right though. It might be reflective surfaces coupled with the right type of visible light pattern."

"..."

"Or ice cream."

"..."

"Stuffed if I really know, but."


	34. Day 34

"Do you have any movies in the TARDIS?"

"Yeah, probably somewhere in the archive. Good luck finding them though. I don't even know where the _archive_ is anymore."

"So you're not going to help me look, then?"

"Nope."

"Thanks so much."


	35. Day 35

"And this, Rose, is a Medieval European village! Isn't it wonderful?!"

"Yeah..."

"In Medieval times, they would burn anyone suspected of witchcraft, or really, if we're being honest, anyone with a unfortunately placed mole. It's also a little know fact that - "

"Doctor."

"Yes, Rose?"

"That's a corn dog stand."

"..."

"And that woman has bright green hair."

"..."

"And I'm almost positive that I can hear Celine Dion playing in the distance somewhere."

"..."

"..."

"Ah."

"This is a Renaissance fair, isn't it?"

"It would appear so, yes."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"I do quite this Celine Dion song, but."

"Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?"


	36. Day 36

"So do you think we'll be getting us out of here any time soon, maybe?"

"Well, steel bars, no sonic, three trip wires, eight lazer wires, four armed guards and explosives rigged to blow if the door opens from the inside. Yeah, easy. We'll be out in time for dinner."

"Yeah, you reckon?"

"Promise."


	37. Day 37

"You said we'd be out by dinner."

"I did say that."

"It's eleven the next morning."

"Yes, yes it is."

"You suck at keeping promises."

"Yeah."

"And I'm really hungry."

"Sorry."

"I know, but you're still rubbish at keeping promises."


	38. Day 38

"So we met aliens made of paper today."

"Yep."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"Oh?"

"I mean, like, what do they do when there's a fire?"

"That's a good question. I don't actually know."

"And what do they write on? Do they write on themselves? Is that considered as some kind of cannibalism? Or like tattoos?"

"You're full of questions today."

"Well at least I'm not full of myself."

"And you're a bit mean today."


	39. Day 39

"DOCTOR!"

"Rose! Rose are you alright?!"

"Doctor, I just got _peed_ on. By an _alien!_"

"..."

"And _now_, **_now_**, he's saying that it was some kind of 'mating ritual', and is demanding that we are betrothed!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"_What?!_"

"Well, I guess it looks like..._urine_ trouble."

"..."

"..."

"_YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME!"_


	40. Day 40

"...do...c...tor..."

"Rose? Rose, you don't look so great."

"...i...don't...fe...el...so...gre...at..."

"Wow, you're so cold! Come here, let's get you wrapped in something warmer and sit you in front of the fire."

_*later*_

"Well, you've warmed up a bit, at least. That's a good thing."

"..."

"I'm a bit worried about you, you know."

"..."

"I've been dragging you on all these adventures around the universe, you were bound to get sick sometime."

"..."

"I hope it doesn't last too long, because you look awfully uncomfortable."

"..."

"You're still shivering a little, but you feel warm to the touch, I think you might have a fever."

"..."

"Are you sure you feel okay?"

"..."

"Rose?"

"..."

"Oh. You're asleep."

"..."

"That's good, you'll need the rest."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"My arm's going a bit numb, though."

"..."

"It's fine, but."


	41. Day 41

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I set fire to your Lord of the Rings box set."

"You set fire to my Lord of the Rings box set?!"

"Well, yes."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So, I take it that you didn't know about that, then?"

"I certainly _did not!_"

"I think I'm going to leave now."

"Oh no you don't! You get back here right now, and tell me what you did to my box set!"


	42. Day 42

"We're out of milk again."

"We can swing by in the afternoon to pick up some more, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"You've got a dollop of shaving cream on your nose."


	43. Day 43

"Good morning, Rose."

"..."

"What?"

"You're in pajamas."

"Yeah, so? You see me in pajamas every morning."

"They have _frills_ on them."

"What?! _What _the- _**JACK!**_"


	44. Day 44

"Oi, move your feet, you great lump."

"Nah, they're rather comfy."

"Move it!"

"Nooooooooo."

"I will pinch you so hard if you don't scram."

"Yeah, still a no."

"Alright, you forced me."

"OW! That was my elbow!"

"Serves you right."

"How the hell did you manage to pinch my _elbow?!_"

"I dunno, it's a tiny room, and it's completely dark. I can't see a thing."

"Fine, I'll move my feet."

"..."

"..."

"Well? Are you gonna move them?"

"I _have_ moved them."

"...Then what the heck is on my stomach?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, right, it's that huge book they threw in here with us."

"..."

"..."

"So you pinched me for no reason?!"

"Eh...hehe...heh...sorry."


	45. Day 45

"It's a dog."

"How perceptive of you."

"It's an _eight-legged_ dog."

"A keen observation."

"But...how does it..._walk?_"

"..."

"..."

"...by...walking...?"

"It's just...kind of...all..._leggy_. I just don't understand..."


	46. Day 46

"Wakey wakey, Rose!"

"...what the hell, Doctor?"

"It's easter today!"

"...It's October."

"All a matter of relativity."

"You've gone completely mad. I'm going back to sleep."

"No, you're not, we're going on an egg hunt."

"...you're kidding."

"Nope."

"..."

"We're going to hunt for easter eggs on the Mountains of Eppipopolilia! In October! But still on easter!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Are the mountains nice?"

"Oh, they're beautiful."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, let's do this, then."

"Yay!"


	47. Day 47

"Potato?"

"Potato."


End file.
